8 Signs Your Relationship Is Over

Things started out great. Your first date was wonderful and it was smooth sailing toward “relationship” land. You should be thrilled–but you’re not. Maybe things have cooled off or you’re just not as happy as you used to be. As much as you hate to admit, it may be time to give him his walking papers–or at least make some changes. If you’re not sure, read on and see if any of these signs sound like your relationship:

1. You feel like a long-distance couple, even when he’s sitting right next to you.

If it feels like there’s a divide, or even a whole ocean between you, something is definitely wrong. Maybe you used to be able to tell everything he was thinking, but now he’s got his poker face up. You can try and figure out the cause, but realize that sometimes guys distance themselves because they’ve already ended the relationship in their minds but don’t know how to tell you.

2. When you think about him, those warm fuzzy feelings you used to have are gone.

Quick, picture your boyfriend. Did you smile or brighten up even a little? Did you think of the time he surprised you with a candlelight dinner or the time he forgot to take the trash out (again)? If the only image of him you can conjure up is a negative one, then the relationship might be finished in your mind too.

3. Your sex life is … wait, what sex life?

Can’t remember the last time you two had sex–or the last time you even wanted to? Yeah, that’s a bad sign. Every couple goes through the occasional dry spell or slow period, but a complete lack of desire in him, or willingness to work up some desire, means the relationship is probably over in the bedroom and in life.

4. You can’t remember the last time you two really kissed.

Even if you still are having somewhat-obligatory sex, there could be crucial intimacy missing. Kissing is a good example. It’s something we can easily forget after awhile but it’s a great way to feel connected. Try and bring back those loving feelings, but if it doesn’t work–and the kissing embargo continues–then kiss him goodbye.

5. You spend lots of time together–but fight during most of it.

If your neighbors are complaining about the near-constant yelling from your apartment, or you’ve been giving him the silent treatment for so long you don’t even remember why you started, then you’ve been fighting way too much. Every couple fights; if they didn’t they’d never get to experience make-up sex. But if you spend more time fighting than not, then you have a real problem. Couples therapy might help, but if neither of you wants to go then the only other way to end the fighting is to end the relationship.

6. He’s showing signs that he’s cheating on you…red-flag raising behavior.

You’ve noticed him coming home late, making up lame excuses about where he’s been, and ducking out of the room to take certain calls. You probably already know it but don’t want to admit it–he’s cheating on you.

7. You hate all his friends.

Are his friends all annoying jerks (at least to you)? While it’s true that everyone has one or two friends that are “special” (read: obnoxious), if all of his friends drive you nuts and he’s known them forever, odds are that situation will not go away. And if he’s surrounded by a group of idiots–well guess what–he’s probably one too.

8. You’re both reluctant to make future plans.

You ask if he wants to take a vacation this summer and he changes the subject. So you try something easier and ask if he’ll come to your friend’s party next month and he mumbles something about possibly working that night. Talk to him before jumping to conclusions, but if he’s unwilling to commit to anything in the future, it may be that he doesn’t think you’ll be together then. On the flip side, when you daydream about the future, is he there? If you can’t imagine a future with him, not even a fantasy one, then why are you with him?

None of these signs alone mean your relationship is doomed. But if you’re noticing that a lot of them sound like your situation, then you need to take stock of what you have. Only you can decide if the relationship is over (well, unless he dumps you first, but that’s another story), so listen to your heart and don’t ignore the signs of a bad relationship.